BAND NAME: Lost Ambitions
GENRE: Raw Grindcore / Noisecore
STATUS: Active
LOCATION: Killingly, Connecticut
Lineup:
Lee Catanese - Everything
Links:
Discography:
Demo
August 1, 2025, Independent (Digital)
August 1, 2025, Coleiosis Records (Digital)
1. I Hate My Life 1:02
Every day I wake up with the same feeling.
Hoping and praying for things to get better.
Seeking God's face to only hear "Wait".
Wait for what?
Wait for more loneliness?
Wait for more isolation?
You took the only thing I cared about left on this earth, my ministry, for you.
Give me a reason why.
2. I Hate Your Life 0:33
Waking up hungover in the bedroom you grew up in in your mid-twenties.
Part-time job at Dairy Queen to cover your weed consumption.
No future.
No morals.
Who cares?
At least you have a chick who sleeps with you who doesn't want a commitment.
3. I Hate This Culture 0:38
Women demanding respect for their useless accomplishments, while showing their naked bodies to any guy who asks nice enough.
I hate hookup culture.
Hook-up culture is the reason the Godly ache for companionship.
Why save yourself for the one who saves themself for you when you can get your fix now?
We're all to blame for this embarrassment.
Keep your pants on.
4. I Hate This World 0:46
I don't want to be part of this world anymore.
Not out of sadness or depression.
You all just suck.
Even the church is grossing me out.
Women killing children and we celebrate their right to do so.
Grown men in their adult years still not sure what they want to do with their life.
Meanwhile, starving children are sold into sex slavery for the perverted adulterers.
I hate it.
I hate all of it.
5. I Hate Your False Gods 0:45
Selling your soul for just a little more money.
Thinking your life will be better with just a little more luxury.
Wrong.
I hate your brain.
I hate how you think.
How are you not miserable?
Or, are you too distracted to see how in pain you are?
My heart aches for you.
Stop pursing money.
Stop pursing selfishness.
Start pursing Christ.
You don't need to be perfect.
You just need to let go.
Forgive me for my harsh words, I don't know how to say it any better.
6. I Hate Everything 0:45
As I sit alone in my house, I just ruminate on how much I hate everything.
A man saved by grace, you wouldn't know it by these words.
It's so easy to make excuses, yet, I'm too lazy to even do that.
I hate how angry I am.
I hate how lonely I feel in everything.
God, I need to take my own advice, and I get this broken, fleshy, angry, hateful, sinful heart to you.
You paid the price, so I don't have to do with the consequences of these feelings and thoughts.
I have nothing to offer you other than full submittance, for I cannot do anything without your allowance.
What do you want me to do?
Childhood Trauma (EP)
September 17, 2025, Independent (Digital)
September 17, 2025, Coleiosis Records (Digital)
1. When Repressed Memories Keep You Up At Night 0:35
Turn off the lights to go to sleep.
There's just one problem.
I can't get you out of my head.
Everything you ever did to me is distracting me from this life I'm trying to live.
I alternate between boiling anger and crying in my pillow.
I'm a broken man and I blame you.
Every scar has your name on it.
Including my name.
Where are you now?
In my head.
In my dreams.
Running your mouth.
Beating your kid.
2. This Old Shanty 0:16
Built a crap shack to house your family in because your stupid pride knows no bounds.
God forbid you buy a house like a normal man for his house.
At least it makes sense.
A broken house for a broken family.
3. Black (And Blue) Sheep 0:25
Punch me in the mouth.
What did I even do?
Telling your only son you don't love him because he wasn't exactly what you wanted him to be.
What is this about?
What is this about?
What is this about?
Tell me what this is about.
4. Keep Drinking Yourself To Death 0:36
Just one more shot of whisky before you go to bed.
Keep drinking your problems away.
Pretend I'm not even here.
Forget that I exist.
Forget that I'm your son.
Maybe then we'd have something in common.
I've been trying to forget you're my father my whole life.
5. If You're Not First, You're Last 0:36
You could've at least tried to pretend you loved us the same.
Maybe you did it that way on purpose.
Who knows?
Maybe it was her intelligence.
Maybe it was her gender.
Maybe she was the kid you always wanted.
All I know is me and my sister grew up in two different homes under the same roof.
And she doesn't know.
I doubt she even cares.
6. What Did I Expect? 0:17
When you as the most offensive question ever to your father if you can go play with your friend on Saturday instead of doing manual labor until it's dark outside, you should expect him to hit you and tell you he doesn't love you, right?
7. Bastard Child 0:32
Growing up jealous of kids who didn't have fathers.
Wishing I didn't have to go home to mine.
Weekends were the worst days of all.
No escape, just hate and fear.
Jumping between being scared to talk to you, to just wishing you would say you love me.
The only human touch I knew was that of an angry man.
It's a sad reality when you're ten fantasizing about being an orphan.
It's even sadder when you're thirty-one.
God, give me strength, because I am so weak.
8. Daddy's Little Ragdoll 0:25
Just another broken, drunken beat-down of your stupid son.
9. You Stayed Silent 0:43
Staring at the man who shares my last name refusing to give him the satisfaction of crying, I couldn't help but wonder why you just stood there yourself.
Were you just as scared as I was, or did you think I actually deserved what was being done to me?
I have all these questions that I'm too scared to ask.
The hardest one still is do you love me?
Because if you did, why did you just sit there and let it happen?
10. The Grace Of God Is The Only Reason I'm Alive 0:38
As I sit and struggle with all this pain in my heart, I refuse to deny my God who was with me in all my pain.
All hail King Jesus, Lord of Heaven and Earth.
He's the only reason I am breathing.
Drop Food Not Bombs (split, December 10, 2025, Cultuscopy) (CD-R, Digital)
Lost Ambition tracks were also uploaded independently.
1. Lost Ambitions - January 0:36
Slowly losing reasons to wake up in the morning.
My joy, my pride, my happiness, my ministry is leaving me.
Maybe I flew too close to the sun.
Maybe a season of pruning is here.
Maybe I really do suck at everything.
2. Lost Ambitions - No Answer 0:40
Running to God for answers when there are too many questions to remember.
Trusting in the God who took away my gift.
Hoping in the God who removed my joy.
I don't have the answers I was looking for, and I may never will.
I cry myself to sleep nightly missing what I held in my arms, pretending it was mine.
A man with no kids of his own, now without the chance to see the children he called his own.
No reason why, just out of my life forever.
3. Lost Ambitions - No Healing 0:35
Trying to see the light in the darkness.
Forcing myself to believe lies to make me sleep at night.
Telling myself when God closes a door, he opens a window.
I am in a jail cell with no way out.
Constantly telling myself there is a reason and a hope.
Ignoring that tomorrow is another day to fail.
4. Lost Ambitions - Lonely Saturday Nights 0:49
Rain pouring down as I sit on my couch pretending what I don't have is okay.
Asking God what his plan is.
Asking God if there is something else I can do to change my situation.
Asking God if I screwed something up.
Everything met with crickets.
Giving up hope.
But not giving up on God.
This may be the rest of my life.
And it may not be.
I have Christ, and that is enough.
Even if I have nothing else.
Christ is enough.
5. Lost Ambitions - T.M.M. 0:33
Remembering how we became friends.
Remembering how we started hanging out.
Do you share these same thoughts?
Do you share these same memories?
You are not the one.
Yet God won't let you leave me alone.
6. Lost Ambitions - Dreams Where God Speaks 0:36
Funny, sweet, and beautiful.
And you were right next to me the whole time.
I don't know the future, but all I know is I dream of you every night.
After a confession to myself of my love for you, of course my dream that night is you looking me in the eye and telling me you love me, too.
Telling myself that dream was from God and that is what you actually feel about me to make me feel happiness, even if it's short lived.
I am getting myself in so much trouble.
7. Lost Ambitions - There's No Hope In Hopedale 0:44
I still think about the last time we hung out.
I still remember playing basketball with you.
I still remember joking around and telling you I'd marry you one day.
Except you had no idea I wasn't joking.
If only I could tell you.
If only we were still friends.
I still think about you looking me in the eyes and telling me "I think about you, too. All the time."
I think about that moment every day.
8. Lost Ambitions - Accepting My Reality 0:48
You'd think when God gives you a mission he makes a way, right?
I have never had a season like this before.
And I hope I never do again.
The faith I claimed to never stray from has been challenged like never before.
Dreams, visions, and scripture affirming at just the right time I asked these questions.
Yet, this doesn't line up with reality.
I feel like God has led me astray.
Leading me to a false reality.
But I just can't see what you're doing.
For months and months and months, it doesn't get better.
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